White House Down trailer: we've seen this somewhere before, surely?

Another film about terrorists attacking the White House? Don't despair – at least the president gets to fire a bazooka this time

Guardian.co.uk - Oh great. Another "flawed security guard saves the president from terrorists in the White House" film. Having one of them a year is bad. When that one is Olympus Has Fallen – the lumpen, joyless, po-faced Gerard Butler flick that has only just come out – it's worse. When it's followed a couple of months later by a film with a premise that's identical in every single way, we've pretty much got a catastrophe on our hands.

But, sure, let's play along. The name of the new film is White House Down, it's basically Olympus Has Fallen with a more self-explanatory title and now there's a trailer for it. Let's all just take a deep breath and get through this as quickly as we can.

1) The Gerard Butler figure of White House Down is Channing Tatum; a down-on-his-luck security guard who we know has a difficult relationship with his daughter because she wears headphones in cars. But it's OK, because we also know he's going to redeem himself by single-handedly saving the president from terrorists. We know this because we saw Olympus Has Fallen at the cinema when we were bored and a bit drunk that time.

2) One thing that White House Down has got going for it: it gets to the good stuff quick. The terrorists waste no time in blowing up the Capitol building. Perhaps the rest of the film will be delivered this efficiently and it'll only end up being 20 minutes long. What a mercy that would be.

3) Playing the Aaron Eckhart role of the calamitously wimpy president is Jamie Foxx. Yes, yes, he's holding his hands up at the first sign of trouble. We've seen all this before. Cue Channing Tatum rushing in to save the day.

4) See? Now for some clod-footed action scenes, reams of clunky dialogue, a bit at the end where the president looks hopelessly emasculated and then a watery denouement where Channing Tatum wins back the love of his daughter. This is such a joyless retread of Olympus Has Fallen that I barely even have it in me to keep going any more.

5) Hello, what's this? A fleet of obviously CG helicopters zapping through the streets of Washington 10 feet above the ground? This didn't happen in Olympus Has Fallen. Don't get me wrong, it's still a dreary action movie cliche. It's just one I didn't expect to see in this film.

6) And, technically speaking, explosions that knock people off their feet are another knackered movie trope. That said, explosions that knock people off their feet in brilliant slow motion and are the size of the entire flipping movie screen are not. I hate myself for this, but a very small part of me wouldn't mind seeing White House Down now.

7) Better yet, it looks like President Foxx actually gets to be a bit more dynamic than stupid President Eckhart. Look at him. Not many people can look statesmanlike and evade gunfire and pull a face like he's trying not to breathe in a fart at once but, damn it, President Foxx can.

8) And he also gets to fire a bazooka! Out of a moving car! Like a badass! There's probably a massive explosion and he probably kills loads of people in the process too. This is brilliant. I had White House Down all wrong. I can't wait to see it now.

9) And now he's firing a machine gun! Right at a baddie's head! There's probably blood all over the place now! Forget Olympus Has Fallen – I want White House Down to come out immediately. It looks amazing! Kill them, President Foxx! Kill them all!

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